MY NAME IS JAMES ALVAREZ

It's the annoying time of year when spring is just round the corner, and I've got shitloads of work to do. Then there's the odd day of blissful sunshine followed by a week of rain and grimness, it messes with my head.

Project was progressing well now its slowed down. Same as my brain, which is slowing right down at the moment. It wants a break of hmm a month would do it, to get itself in gear for the final haul.

I don't think I can say enough times how I can't wait for uni to finish. I watched bill oddy today and it reminded me of how being out in the countryside makes me feel great, and then it suddenly sunk in that I can't afford to spend carefree days in the countryside, I have to work and worry my ass off until fucking June. Some people love the city - I do when I'm drunk on a night out but right now my head is far away from this shithole.

Roll on summer, bitchezzz.

Well I havn't been updating for a while - time to get back on track.

I am currently taking leave of nottingham - due to gradually accumulating stress fed by and feeding lack of sleep. People get shot in nottingham, and I've been watching to much news on T.V, that coupled with getting into my project whilst realising this term is worth about 60% of my degree is what is worrying me. I really do seem to have lost my ability to cope with stress - people used to tell me I was one of the most chilled out people ever. Something has changed since then - ambition. As soon as I've finished by degree, I'm through with ambition, just the easy life for me (well for a year anyway) I need to reacquaint myself with the parts of myself I like the most. That sounds dodgy but I'll leave it in anyway...

I seem to have no time to relax naturally, I have to force it and I also percieve everybody else to have no time, is this what life is? Maybe I should give up my worldly possesions. But in the words of my mum, 'but I like my worldly possesions', but thats the point isnt it but. My head has sort of lost contact with my heart, I need to reintroduce the two. But get a degree first...

Another joke.

A farmer discovered that everytime he got ready for bed, he would find lots of pigs around, whats more, they were all infatuated with him. He was puzzled because as soon as he woke up and got ready for the day, they would all go away. One day he got annoyed and asked his wife, 'why do those pigs all keep hassling me only when I'm trying to sleep?'. She aswered, 'It's because you wear pigcharmers' (pyjamas)

That was so crap, but I couldn't think of a better way to use the pun.

I've had one exam so far, and it wasn't sooo bad. Got another tomorow which I'm very well prepared for, and then one on saturday and then I am free to do all the things that I'll probably forget that I wanted to do! Hmm maybe I should write a list.

1. Send of the final version of my friends music project that I have remastered
2. Learn the 4th inventio on piano by bach
3. Record an hour long psychedlic freakout on drums and guitar
4. Record an electronic album of songs to help insomniacs
5. Get drunk
6. Go bike riding
7. Cook some more interesting dishes than spaghetti and pesto
8. Catch the rats in the back garden and take them far away to the forest. Hopefully they aren't homing rats.
9. Sleep past noon without having a panic attack in the morning from lack of doing work
10. Plan my life for summer, house and a job.
11. Reading (I've got siddhartha by hesse to finish, and the waves by virginia woolf to begin, amongst various personal research)

Talking of jobs, I think I found the ideal one. 16000 a year 4 days on 4 days off as a carer for people with mental health problems. Meets all the necessary criterea for a good job in my eyes:

1. Not a slimy capitalist scumbag job
2. Helps people less fortunate
3. Pays for rent, food and good times
4. Leaves me with enough time spare to enjoy my hobbies

It looks like in 5 months I'll be living the Brighton dream, I cannot wait. Next term is all about the final year project, and I've cleverly loaded it so that I have only 3 lectures a week! Wuhaha.

I feel like things are just about to get amazing, and that I'm going to be set free from this faux student crap where every hour I spend doing something fun is an hour where I should be working etc. Maybe I'll miss it, although I'm certain I'll miss the few good friends I made up here, I won't miss nottingham at all. But these four years I have learnt so much, in this cage, and now I will be free free free to be happy and make music! If any of you out there have a harsh lesson to warn me about life, please keep it to yourself. This optimism for the future has always been at the back of my head, and now its beginning to bloom, I don't want any bubbles burst just yet, as the images I have dragging me through the final months are definitely superseding the potential kicking and screaming. Wow I truly packed the cliches in this post.

Xzibit clearly understands what I mean implicitly in his song which describes how a bitch is different from a woman or a lady:

Lemme explain to ye why niggaz act like bitches

That's a bitch ass nigga

Why is the word 'cunt' so offensive? I believe it to be one of the funniest words because of its potential to cause so much offense. It means 'vagina'. It's less offensive to call someone a 'dick' which means a 'penis'. I think that the fact the c-word is more offensive than the d-word is wrong as it implies one is worse than the other! Especially as both words are used to describe people who you don't like.

I can see why the difference in offensiveness came about, but nowadays men and women are mostly equal in rights etc but not quite. I can see a problem if the words were used metaphoricly with regards to their function, as opposed to the same thing, but to be honest, how shocking it still would be today, calling a woman a c--- implying that she is promiscuous, reflects how strongly men's and women's behaviour is percieved and evaluated differently. Why are promiscuous males lauded and females not? There are those ugly evolutionary theories I guess, but in my ideal world this would not exist.

So by calling this little kid who jumped over the wall into our backgarden to sneak around for stuff to steal a 'cunt', I am in no way meaning to be offensive to women, in fact the opposite. (However misguided I maybe)

But yeah he pretended he was looking for a ball (which would be rediculously unlikely considering the layout of the houses round the back) after I caught him, I was shocked, and I tryed to follow him and take a picture of him when he jumped back over. I only got his back though.

If that cunt comes back again I'm going to smash his head with a broken bottle.

And its that time of year again. Time for EXAM MADNESS! I am in my own little world of books and revision cards and nobody understands me. I'm worried about the others, they've been acting kind of strange, they look at me like something very grave has happened to me. It's ok though, only a week and a half to go. A swift late onset usually has a good prognosis.

Have been talking with my homebuds online - brighton house is a gogo, and linz is writing the bear with me script. It's gonna be ace.

Oh well, back to stinky university again. Had a proper feed of a xmas break, how shall I start the blog off? I guess with a questionnaire from chris's site. I am tempted to leave all of chris's answers in, but they don't apply to me alas.

1.What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Hmm Class A's... Hahaha

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My new years resolution last year was probably to be nicer to people or more freindly or something. I failed. Same again this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really close, a friend of a friend

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My beloved winter bed-mosquito met its maker when I caught it harvesting one morning.

5. What countries did you visit?
France and Spain.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A girlfriend would be nice, also a place to live in brighton.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?
Hmm, probably several... I can't think of any right now though. HARHAR! My operation.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Joining plinth, and learning how to play the piano again.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing statistics. GROOAAAN

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, several, shingles was the second most painful.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My laptop or my piano.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hmm nobody.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
The T.V.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and tuition fees.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
OH hoho... All Tomorows Parties Festival

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Pink Lady Lemonade by Acid Mothers Temple

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Work

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
T.V - got mildly addicted at one point.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Nope

23. How many one-night stands?
37

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Neighbours for a while, now Ren and Stimpy

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is for the weak.

26. What was the best book you read?
Can't remember.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
All this classical music stuff.

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted to not live in Beeston, I got that.

29. What did you want and not get?
Apart from a girlfriend, I wanted to not have to do the rest of my degree but still pass.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
La Haine was good as was some film about pretending to be an idiot.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 22! I became fighting drunk and marched around the village with a firey stick and burnt an effagy on a big pile of wood. I'm not joking, it was November the 5th !FNMPFMPF

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having a car?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
I went through a phase pf wearing shirts. I don't know what to do with fasion, oh why does it have to exist?

34. What kept you sane?
I think I am saner than ever at the moment. In fact I attribute my 2005 going mad to nerves, rather than actual craziness. To stop me from getting stressed, music and alcohol work.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't know! Probably some singer from a band.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmmm.. Stuff on the news. I followed the tory election thing when I was addicted to t.v for a while.

37. Who did you miss?
My poor old dog My family when I am away Awwwwww.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Not sure

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
DON'T EVER FALL INTO THE SYSTEM. THE SYSTEM WILL FUCK YOUR BRAINS!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Can't think of one.

Just got back from my lecture and it turns out that idea behind one of my projects (that was originally poopooed)from my second year was copied by the phd student supervising me, and published! Not only that but they stole my ideas for further research and basicly stole my entire theory explaining why autistic people can draw more accurately! I'm stoked... I've needed a bit of reassurance that my brain still works, I'm worrying about my final year project, but I had a few flashes of inspiration on the road back home, so hopefully all will be cool.

Here is a picture of me in the EEG, brain scanning thing. Unfortunatly I didn't take one of the mri.

You can see how unbelievably tired I look, that's cos I was up at 6oclock after falling asleep at about 2 or 3.

Time for a nap.

Had my brain scan and eeg today, pictures to follow. Being stuffed in a dark tube was womb like fun for a while but after an hour and a half it felt like chinese water torture, there was this electro thingy sticking in the back of my head, and cos i wasnt allowed to move my head it kept digging in and digging in, man that was horrible. I was so tired afterwards that I went home and slept instead of going to my lecture.

In other news I picked up my massive tub of hot chocolate by the lid and it the tub fell off 180'd in the air landing perfectly upside down on the kitchen floor. I managed to salvage about two cups worth, but the rest I've left there with an ice cream scoop and a tupperware lid as a small piece of artwork for my housemates to enjoy.

ATP next week!

Oh, and I had my piano tuned yesterday by some old dude. He phoned me lost, hed got the wrong house, and when he walked in the door he said, 'I knew I'd got the wrong house, a black person lived there'. Now the thing is, it took me by so much surprise, I still don't get it, why wouldn't a black person want a piano tuner? I excused his racism because he was old, and I just wanted my piano tuned, but I was going to offer him tea and biscuits, so I only offered tea instead. In retrospect I should have sent him packing, but I was just too shocked at the time - too bizarre.

And I thought of another joke:
What swims in the north atlantic and goes 'ding'?
A piano tuna.

I love how shit my jokes are.